Foundations For Love

"Love without friendship is like a shadow without the sun" - Japanese Proverb

It was an early morning when I had visited Meiji-Jingo shrine and was fortunate to witness a wedding party. As the adults milled around the bride and groom and the videographer and photographer was directing people to do family portraits my eyes settled on a little boy and girl. They were happily playing with a small ball. The little girl threw the ball fiercely in the direction of the boy and he missed the catch. She walked over to explain her hand positioning advising him he had to open his fingers more and turn his palm outwards. He took her directions with several nods and the next catch attempt was successful. As the photographer motioned the kids to join for the group portraits I saw the girl stiffen with nervousness. Without a pause the little boy held his friend's hand and beamed at her with a huge smile, giving her confidence to proceed as the adults watched the kids approach the group. He was a tiny little boy but his spirit and kindness towards his friend shone brightly.

I had no idea what their friendship would develop to in the future but in this moment it made me think about my first love. How fortunate I was to have fallen in love with my best friend. The guy who knew how truly silly of a person I was. The guy who teased me yet whole heartedly accepted my quirks, such as liking to walk on the right side of anyone I was with. Strange I know but... it is what it is. Falling in love with a friend meant that I was able to bypass the "rules" of dating that I think as well intentioned as they are create a false impression and impair the ability to know who the other person truly is. It also doesn't allow ourselves to show a potential partner who we truly are. It takes a certain amount of courage. This courage is also more difficult as we get older and as the rules seem to become more established. Communication sometimes becomes measured, methodical, censored.

I remember when my friend had expressed his romantic feelings towards me I was at first shocked and asked him whether he was at all nervous I would laugh and call him crazy. Afterall, we had been such good friends. He replied, "hey I had to shoot my shot". During our time together I learnt not only how to love but how to fight. The ability to attack an issue and not eachother. How to be brave and vulnerable. Most importantly, as a friend no matter what we were going through there was always a level of respect and kindness that existed. Friendship is predicated on those qualities so it came naturally.

Perhaps I never said it explicitly, but D - thanks for shooting your shot.